True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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