hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
