I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize