I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
