I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
