she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
