Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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