Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize