Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
