I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am available for nakedness
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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