i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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