I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
