Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
