I saw his package. It spoke to me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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