Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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