FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
