i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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