Someone shit on the floor
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
