worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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