He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
