i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize