and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
