His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Vodka?
Forever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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