i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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