woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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