I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize