I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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