you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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