I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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