I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize