i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
