i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
