Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
