sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
