I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
