Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize