Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
