I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
