is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
