Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
