is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
