I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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