When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
