I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize