after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
