dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize