I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
