can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
