Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
