ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
