I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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