worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
