i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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