Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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