I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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