shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
