I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
