Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
