You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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