I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
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At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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