It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
