go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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