you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
