The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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